In your own skin

To know you live a life that's not quite real
To know you have to hide the way you feel
To squander years spent trying to fit in
No answer to this struggle from within

To wonder if this battle can be won
To question this whole process you've begun
Still searching for the life you're dreaming of
Still trying to shield the people that you love

To question, can you do this on your own
To wonder, will you now live life alone
To worry over choices you have made
So steep, the final prices that are paid

Grappling with the questions and the pain
Hoping life will bring you love again
Knowing this is what you're meant to do
Embracing life where you are really you

j e billheimer

Music

How I love to hear the music
Doesn't matter what the song
When the music begins playing
Tap my foot and sing along

Doesn't matter, type of music
Whether banjo or trombone
When the  music starts a playing
 My soul soars, I'm not alone

Some folks never hear the music
Some folks only sing one song
I rejoice that I can hear it
And I love to sing along

Can't imagine life without it
All the many melodies
Love them all, they fill my being
Living life in all its keys

j e billheimer

Sorrows Shared

Please, make no mistake about my tears
Tears are not a sign that I am weak
Although I know that is how it appears
When tears are making tracks upon my cheek

Emotions sometimes get the upper hand
When I am witness to my loved ones pain
That's when my tears and strength go hand in hand
And in the end the strength is what remains

In times of greatest sorrow and despair
Mourning times and loved ones we have lost
The memories and tears we need to share
Remind us how the love is worth the cost

I would not trade the times of sorrows shared
For life without the tears those sorrows bring
I cannot wish I hadn't cried or shared
This life of love so worth remembering

j e billheimer

Self Indulgent Doesn't Work for Me

I need a really good cry
something seriously indulgent
I'm feeling completely overwhelmed
like life is harder than it should be
and I am wallowing in self pity

I need a kick in the ass
something to move me from my apathy
I'm feeling terribly self indulgent
like life is harder than it should be
and I am the only one struggling

I need a dose of reality
something to make me feel alive again
I'm feeling life isn't really my best friend
like I work harder than the next guy
and I deserve a bigger break than some

I need a closer look at who I am
something to show me I am my best friend
I'm feeling life is mine to own again
like opportunity's around the bend
and I can grasp it and be free again

j e billheimer

Weep No More

Weep no more for me, my love
Although our time for now is through
I am but a breath away
And I shall always be with you

Dry your tears and carry on
Live your life with joy and laughter
We will meet again someday
Then will be our ever after

j e billheimer

Entangled

Skin pressing skin in silent plea
Wrapped in the haven
 of your loving arms
This soothes my soul, twining you and me
Lost in a world
of sweet reverie

Quiet as a sunrise, soft as loves first kiss
This gentle sharing
of our nights and days
Entangled in your arms to dream, sweet bliss
I could stay wrapped forever
with you like this

j e billheimer

Someday

Someday I'll walk with you again
Hand in hand we will be together
But for now our time is through
And this, the storm that I must weather

I thought that you would be here always
Never a thought of me, alone
But in my heart you still are near
And with this thought I'll carry on

Someday we'll walk again together
This, the thought that keeps me strong
Until that time, I'll hold my memories
With you is where my love belongs

j e billheimer

Family Matters

So much harder than I could have
guessed
This honesty you now expect from
me
Now I realize how often I have
bowed
How often I have smiled and played
along
Don't make waves
It may cause problems
Shhhh
Don't

Don't say too much
Don't rock the boat
If you do, they may not love you
Shhhh
Take their love away
Tomorrows another day
Shhhh

Don't disagree

j e billheimer

Passionate

How welcome carefree time and
open air would be
How welcome time alone together
you and me

The pleasure of some quiet time
to spend within
The treasure of an afternoon
in my own skin

To wallow unrepentant
self-indulgent days
To squander languid leisure
in a summer haze

To sip a glass and daydream,
nothing else to do
To lie in torpid sunshine 
wrap myself in you

These agonizing longings writhe
beneath my skin
These passionate emotions
which are deep within

This burning blinding madness
Which now rides my soul
This yearning sweet loves gladness
That now makes us whole

j e billheimer

Edge of Reason

I stand here on the edge of reason
Fearing for my sanity
Mood as changing as the season
This madness that hangs over me

Caring not for my tomorrows
Time a friend to me no more
Searching for an end to sorrow
Eyes upon a distant shore

Then you came upon me, wooing
Offering to share my sorrow
So your love was my undoing
And our love now my tomorrow

j e billheimer

Daydreaming

I am dreaming of you

Although my eyes are open
And I am wide awake
I find I'm dreaming of you
With every breath I take

Daydreams which beguile me
They have right from the start
All my thoughts are captive
As well as is my heart

I never was a dreamer
or thought dreams could come true
But now my daydreams flourish
All because of you

j e billheimer

Winter of the Soul

There are times my soul is tired
Fighting tears of pure despair
My spirit drained of all reserves
Depleted, broken, uninspired
I feel myself become despondent
unable to break free
from this winter of the soul
which had taken over me

Yet, winter has its ending
and so shall come the spring
A springtime of the spirit
is coming over me
It's lifting up my spirit
and warming now my heart
Awakening my senses
I am yearning now to start

Memories trail like footprints in the sand

My words are now my playground
my emotions poetry
Love plays sweet my melody
as life becomes my song
I find my strength returning
and thrill to sing along

j e billheimer

New Beginnings

She's painfully aware she's breaking
all the rules
She's spent a lifetime living others dreams
She knows this path she's taking now is hurting
those she loves
A journey so much harder than it seems

But doesn't she deserve to live a life
that's truly hers
A life where others see her as she does
If all this time they loved her while she followed
all their rules
Is she now to spend her life without her loves

I hope that others come to see as clearly
as I do
The truth that all should follow their own dreams
For loving happens best when we let others
be themselves
Let go and love, much easier than it seems

j e billheimer

Sophie's Stand-Sophie Scholl, Germany, 1921-1943

There are times when words and phrases
become ordinary in their overuse
to say something is extraordinary is
often times ill used
so easily dismissed,

Then there is a story
a tale heard here and there
of such amazing consequence
it hangs upon the air

The tale it makes you
catch your breath
and sigh with unshed tears
such is the tale I happened on
a tale of bygone years

In times of trial and tragedy
the world had lost it's way
there was a brave and valiant youth
who would not shy away
she could not hide away

She took a stand that cost her life
A stand against the hate
with dignity beyond her years
she fought a righteous fight
and death would be her fate

She must have been an old soul
to bear it with such poise
And in another world I weep
for the courage of Sophie's choice
the courage of Sophie's voice

So hear me now recall the tale
Of sacrifice so true
As given by one Sophie Scholl
Who died at twenty two
For those she never knew

Doubts

All this talk of loving me
has me terrified
How to know if you are true
Feelings verified

Listen to my heart, you say
Leaves me mystified
I'm not sure I'm capable
Never have I tried

Close my eyes and trust my soul
Keep it simplified
you can answer all my doubts
Hope has multiplied

With you love seems effortless
you cannot be denied
now I hand to you my heart
Eyes are open wide

Heart Strings

He is the author of my 

Secret love song
His voice strums lightly on
Each tender note
His soul plays gently to
My inner longings
The most important song
He ever wrote

With every breath I take
 I lightly tremble
My hopes and dreams are held 

Within his song
I close my eyes,
Surrender to this yearning
He sang my tune and my heart
Sang along

We laughed

We laughed
Oh, we laughed until we cried
Sides heaving
We laughed some more
Sides aching

I fell to the floor
I said to myself
Who could ask for more
This joy, right here
Who could ask for more
It's everything worth
Living for