Contemplation

It seems the world I know has gone to sleep
Slipped quietly away while I was thinking
And when I turned around to re engage
My dreams and world had quickly moved along
 Now, I am left to gaze and wonder why
A player left upon an empty stage
No one around to listen to my song

I must admit to wondering now and then
If everything I value were all gone
Would I begin to question who I am
Could I muster my faith and still be strong
Or would my strength and fragile faith be gone
As fleeting as an angry summer storm
Oh, could I find the strength to carry on

These questions plague my waking and my dreams
Perplexing thoughts that somehow I won't know
How best to live this life that I so love
This aching fear of failure haunts me so
That sometimes I withdraw and search within
In hope the answers deep within me lie
And finding them will be my final task
So I may be at peace before I die

A toast to Good Friends

When the day has run its pattern
When all the chaos quiets down
And all the turmoil settles 'round me
I take the time to look around
And wonder at the life I've found

Each moment that is filled with laughter
For every tear that I have cried
For all the grace that has come after
And all the wishes long denied
I'm grateful you are by my side

For evenings spent in deep discussion
Whispered secrets shared with smiles
The closeness of our special friendship
Makes small the heartaches and the trials
Across the years and all the miles

So, in the quiet of the evening
When everyone has gone to bed
I sit alone and think about you
All the smiles and tears we've shed
And revel in this life we've led
So thankful for the life I've led

I Knew He Loved Me

And this is how I knew he loved me
For he would share the things he loved
The quiet moments that he cherished
The secret things he's dreaming of
All manner of this life of wonder
The beauty of this world at hand
With my whole heart is how I loved him
And it was nothing like I planned

So, even now I know he loved me
His sharing of the things he loved
The beauty of the windswept mountains
The patterns in the clouds above
The majesty of redwood forests
The whisper of a summer rain
And if you were by chance to ask me
I will never love again

Lonely man of broken dreams

Each day as I go walking
Down the sidewalks, through the streets
There he sits, his eyes are downcast
Lonely man of broken dreams

People pass him, hardly glancing
It's as if they cannot see
Broken man on busy byway
Tragic man of broken dreams

This is not the life he dreamt of
Long ago, when he was free
Free from taunting haunting memories
Nothing left but broken dreams

Have a care when you go walking
Not all things are as they seem
See the lonely broken soldiers
Huddled 'round their broken dreams

Addiction

She lays her tired head upon the pillow
So tired and discouraged she could weep
She hopes to find some refuge from this turmoil
Unsure if it is safe to fall asleep

Each waking brings more hopelessness and longing
For dreams that are now ragged and decayed
She wonders why she even makes the effort
And wishes that her bed could be her grave

She can't remember when it all went sideways
When everything she dreamt of was all lost
She only knows its lost to her forever

And living isn't worth the pain it cost

So, she lays her tired head upon her pillow
So tired and discouraged she could weep
She knows now  she cannot face the morning
She's determined this will be her final sleep

Too Late

A thousand times you've left me reeling
A hundred times I've lain and cried
Too deep the pain that I am feeling
The endless, fruitless times I've tried

A thousand times you've made me wonder
A hundred times I've cringed in fear
Too dark this cloud I'm living under
My endless, useless tragic tears

A thousand times you've said you loved me
A hundred times I've known you lied
Too late for us, I have discovered
The love I felt for you has died

Paris

In times of darkest grief
And wild despair
I grasp for comprehension
Through the pain
A glimpse of understanding
To erase
The hopeless helpless feelings
That remain

My mind keeps going through
Each tragic fact
Searching for some kindness
That remains
Amid this world of crushing
Deep despair
The sidewalks painted with
The bloody stains

I know now that the answers
Are not there
Within the chaos, broken
Lives remains
But in the human kindness
We've retained
Amid the grief, the sorrow
And the pain

Second Thoughts

I was going to
get out of bed today
I really was
I was! I tried!
But the air in the room
was so frightfully chilled
when my toes touched the floor
I nearly died

I planned to
get out of bed today
An early start
did sound appealing
But the sound of the wind
blowing around outside
had me shivering with the
chill I was feeling

Can't seem to recall
what the urgency was
in getting up early from
my cozy bed
But since my intentions
seem frivolous now
I'll just snuggle in
and sleep instead

Stolen Life

Shall I live my life entrapped by
Sad remorse
Ever grasping for the dreams
That slipped away
Blinded to the joys which
Happen every day
A life without direction
No known course
Endless days of lonesome
Sad remorse

Bitter tears clog my throat
With sad regret
Aching for the life
I haven't led
Longing for the love
I never met
Bitter tears for dreams
I can't forget
All I have, this life
Of sad regret

Friends

I always thought, when I was young
Friends would come into my life
Through large events that bonded us
Through trials, grief and strife

And though there have been friendships born
Or strengthened by such times
The ones I find most cherished
Have come in quieter times

They slipped into my daily life
In random, varied ways
They made a place within my heart
And brightened up my days

And though I don't deserve them
I can say I've learned one thing
To smile and count my lucky stars
For the friendships that life brings

Early Morning

Early Morning

I wrap myself around your
Sleeping body
As familiar to me now
As is my own
No cares can take me when
I have you near me
You are the greatest love
I've ever known

We never even dreamt that
When we started
This journey would require
Such strong resolve
To carry us through times
Of unmatched sorrows
Or the ways our love would
Strengthen and evolve

Now, lying in the calm of
Early morning
I wrap myself around you
Once again
I revel in the happiness
I've found here
The joy of living life
With my best friend

A Parents Love

The love you feel
When your child is born
The depth of emotion there
Is inexplicable, inescapable
Undeniable, indescribable
There's nothing to compare
There's no way to prepare

You're willing to do battle
For someone you just met
The feeling is stunning
Overwhelming, enlightening
No longer will you
Ever think just of you
This is as real as it gets

So many have tried
To tell you
The magical feelings of
Seeing that being
Become real and breathing
Amazing, life changing
That undying feeling of love

The Right Questions

Who could have guessed it would get so
Complicated
What happened to all our plans
When did it all get away from us
Where did we think it would take us
How did we end up here

We had all the right questions
The ones they taught us to ask in school
Who, what, when, where and how
They didn't tell us
perhaps they knew we wouldn't believe
Life has its own answers

Who could have made us listen
What would have changed our minds
When were we willing to see
Where would we have ended up
How could we have known

Life would have its own answers
and Why matters not at all

Madness

Scattered thoughts tossed out like favors
Random patterns lost in time
Pithy quotes hold empty wishes
Witness poets discordant rhyme

Longing for a real companion
Reaching for the unclaimed prize
Disappointments, quests unanswered
Hope retreats before my eyes

Bring an ending to this longing
Tortured soul can dream no more
Take me from this life of madness
Dim the light and close the door

My Friend

It hurts something inside of me
to know that you're in pain
I'd find a way to turn back time
to make you smile again
and lift you up, my friend

I know there isn't anything
which I may say or do
to make this any easier
so I'll just stand with you
I'll always stand with you

Forever Changed

You will be forever changed
Not by the loss
Although it etches itself on your
heart
But by the gain
Knowing that you loved, really loved
and lost
It makes you more than
you were before
More understanding
More empathetic
More appreciative
More

Worth the love
the work, the loss
But she was
Oh she was

Love is always worth the loss
Rejoice!
For you have loved
and you are
Forever changed

When I lost my sister at only 22
I asked my mother
how she stood the loss
"I try to look at it this way"
she said
"When she was born, when they
put her in my arms, if they had told me
I could only have her for
22 years
I would have taken her anyway.
Anything less is saying
she wasn't worth it."

I can do this

I think I could do this
I do
If I could just figure out
how to get past the pain
the pain
the 50 foot wall of pain

If I can just stay
on task
I think I could do this
I'm sure others have done
and I
I'm sure I'm as strong as they

It's just reality
just that
that's trying to break me
I can face reality
I'm strong
I am I'm strong I am strong

It's just that it was so
Unexpected
You leaving like that
but
I can do this, I can

I can

Choices

I want to read no more hate
is there a place for me
I want to clear out the craziness
and anger that threatens to
sear my heart
I fear insanity

Where did the kindness go
it once was all around
Now hatred beats me down
at every turn and threatens
my very soul
I mourn humanity

Do we learn to take back
the love that once was ours
Or bow our heads in misery
giving in to our despair
and bitter tears
for all eternity

Summer in the Mountains

Brilliant shards of sunlight
Slicing through the trees
Butterflies like promises
Float on the breeze

Flickering of shadows
Battering my eyes
Summer in the mountains
Dazzling surprise

Soulmate

Can you promise me sunshine
Days filled with joys such as others
can only dream of

Can you grant me love songs and
poetry
to fill my heart to bursting
from such bliss

Do you promise me contentment
Years spent in easy camaraderie
knowing each others unspoken thoughts

Say yes, oh please, do answer yes
for these sweet promises will
capture me
For love, this love, is sweeter
still
my soulmate, promise me

Life's end

There is nothing I have done
in this life of dreams and sorrow
that I would trade away
for just one more glad tomorrow

I feel reality shift and tilt
the end is here, or soon it shall be
and all the things that I hold dear
are smoke and mirrors, sweet slim reality

The voices rise, too soon they're fading
Loved ones close, yet then depart
My life is done, I'm slipping quietly
Slowing now, be still my heart

The Pledge

I stand and stare out at the world
As darkness takes its final breath
And light seeps round the edge
I revel in the quiet grace
And here I make my pledge

I shall not live this life of mine
In worried thoughts and sad regrets
Of things I have not done
But turn my face up to the dawn
And glory in the sun

Tho' while it's true that I may have
A shorter time upon this earth
Than ever I can tell
It shan't be said that I have gone
Without that I lived well

Soulmate

Be still my soul and listen to
another
For this, the very essence of
connection
Beautiful in it's perfect
intention
Pure as light
Vast as the heavens
I stand in awe
Silently
Awaiting the next utterance
Enthralled
Enraptured
Whole

Captivated

Standing in the deepening
Of a summer night
Fireflies and lightning vie for
Center stage
Air thick as honey, warm with
Coming rain
Waiting for the summer storm
To rage
Fireflies and lightning
Such delight

Watching for the flashes
Weaving through the trees
Thunders' distant crashes
Rumble through the night
Moments as these pass us by
Before the dawn
Live your life as breathless
As a summer storm
Fireflies and lightning
Pure delight

Ode to a friend

May I define you by what you add
to my life
The joy I feel knowing you
see me
As I wrap your love around
my shoulders
As a warm blanket
A shield

Do you know how your love
empowers me
The courage I find at hand
Because of you

I know you don't have
any idea
how powerful you are
What is accomplished
because of your strength

You empower me
With a full understanding and
graciousness
that astounds
You are a whirlwind
I am a leaf

Shelby

A lovely young woman died today
Her fight could not be won
Her pain and suffering is at an end
Ours only just begun

We knew this day was coming
We knew what was at hand
Yet tears stream from our memories
Our lives a tragic land

How do you move along life's path
When darkness shrouds your mind
You ask yourself, what would she want
Yet tears have left us blind

The senselessness of this cruel life
Has hurt us beyond reason
Yet we all know Shelby would say
To everything, it's season

Joy

I'm bringing the joy I feel today
a gift from those around me
I know that life is wonderful
It's depth and breath
astound me

I feel as if the very air
is sweeter still than ever
the lovely sky, the dappled hill
each one a separate
treasure

I know that life can bow
your back
At times the pain unending
Yet each new breath enlivens me
The joy a lifetime
spending

Daybreak

Birdsong from which
Joyfulness is drawn
Heralds in the dappling
Light of Dawn
Bringing with the day
Sweet melody
Dancing lightly comes
The break of dawn

Sparkling jewels
Made from
Drops of dew
Scattered on the velvet
Blades of grass
Shadowed crisscross patterns
Lightly drawn
Sunlight tiptoes in
The break of dawn

Serenity

I don't know that
ever in my lonely lifetime
I have ever felt
the peace
the stillness
I feel now
now

Not certain what
has brought this calming
sense of tranquility
pulsing
so gently
eyes closed in
peace

Does it matter
is life not lonely enough
difficult enough
without
questioning
this amazing
gift

So I choose
to embrace the miracle
inexplicable
joyful
journey
that life has
become

Dancing in a Whirlwind

Today I took on the monster
In the closet
He wasn't so fierce

Today I danced in a whirlwind
Of my own making
For the sheer joy of it

Dancing in a whirlwind
I could feel the freedom
Pulsing through my soul

Pummeling my body
Challenging my heart
To let it all go
And dance

This Love

Softly falls your breath
Upon my shoulder
Wrapped around each other
As we sleep
My love for you is
Unlike any other
Lovely as a rainbow
Ocean deep

You capture all my love
And hold it gently
Living in your care
Has kept me sane
This life we share is all
I ever dreamt of
Intense as summer sunlight
Soft as rain

Done

I feel as if a curtain
is being drawn
shutting off my chance
to connect with
the rest of the world
my world

I feel disconnected
and though I struggle
to shake off this feeling
of dread
I encounter a hollowness
I'm empty

Doors are closing
doors I fought to
keep open
All the lost chances
piling up against them
locking me in

and I don't care
anymore

Undo Me

Break down all my barriers

With gentle touch
Lightly given

Lean in close and breathe me in
I am enriched
By your smile

Wrap me up in loves warm comfort
Keep me here
Awaken my senses

Let me taste the love I'm feeling
Lingering kisses
Undo me

Salvation

And therein lies the hurt
The wound that cannot heal
the damage done with thoughtless
ease
This pain is all too real

How quickly dies the hope
When careless reason wins
I can't ignore the cry
My world around me spins

I look to you for hope
Salvation in your hands
Will you grant to me your love
Or leave me barren lands

Inexplicable

Can love be spoken
Are there words to enchant

Your waking moments
As if they were dreams

What words now etched
In my memory
Can withstand
The whirlwind I feel

For I have loved
Completely and beyond the moment
And will forever
Be grateful for the taste

For it lingers

Broken Wings

It wasn't the wings that pushed me down
It was the loss of hope
No wind can stir beneath me now
There is nothing to lift my spirit

Wings are useless things
When they have no lift
No joy to make them flutter
No hope to give them flight

Earthbound now, forever grounded
Loss of love and hope and dreams
Nothing left now to believe in
Living life with broken wings

Awakening

Cacophony
Pounding its way
down my spine
Thoughts in a whirlwind
Shambles
Edgy, sublime

Hearing the echoes
of words so
discordant
Living the maelstrom
each passing phrase
triggers

Having no use
of misinformation
Cannot conform
to others performance
Feeling the freedom
inherent in dreams

Racing to find
a way to express this
Bursting with joy
the power
of owning my
happiness

I sit in my
room
Beyond contemplating
A smile on my face
Retreat now the gloom

Enlighten me

I entered the room
with quiet trepidation
not knowing what
might wait within
I felt some agitation
a bit of hesitation
The room was so dim
no illumination
I trembled a bit
perhaps in fear
perhaps anticipation
no room for rumination

With unsteady gait
unhealthy imagination
swallowing my fear
and breathing constricted
fear reaching culmination
then you
Illumination

Reckless

I am so very breakable
please take care should
you cast my love away
for I only know how to love completely
each and every day

I have no way to shield myself
love is my only goal
I cannot keep it all inside
Love is the gift I give to you
and life will take its toll

I understand the risk is mine
It doesn't slow me down
if loving you is my demise
and love be my only crime
then such shall be my role

What If

I want it all to
mean something
Can't stand the chance
it doesn't

What if

What if everything
you care about
feel passionate about
suddenly
were gone

Are you lost
Do you know
who you are
anymore
Does life hold any
sense
of direction

It must
It must all matter
right?
It has to
or else
Why am I here

Patterns in Darkness

I am nothing
within the vacuum
where I now exist
I hear nothing
I feel nothing

The emptiness
within my very soul
is hollow
A blank canvas
full of nothing

My fire burned so brightly
it consumed me
burned right
through me
and left nothing

Broken hearts
Shattered dreams
Bitter memories
Tears stream
Til there is
Nothing

Did you

Did you ever
know exactly what you were going to say
and have it happen
just like that

Did you ever
meet someone you knew was essential
with no surprise
like coming home

Did you ever
wish for a second chance
to reach out
and touch a dream

Did you ever
let go of all your fears
and let life
lead the way

A Perfect Fit

And there you were
just where I knew you would be
waiting for me

I breathe you in
headiness a teasing taste
along my senses

Run my fingers
a tickling along your spine
I hear you sigh

My homecoming
sliding between the sheets
you welcome me

My Song

In the quiet heart of night
There's a song only I can hear
This song, it  helps me to believe
I am who I am meant to be
My song breaks gently on my ear
This song that only I can hear

I cherish this, my quiet time
Where only I can hear my song
At night there's no one here to say
I don't fit in, I don't belong
In deepest night I can be strong
At night alone I sing my song

This is when I build my dreams
In darkest night, alone I sing
Here I heal life's unkind days
And cherish all that life can bring
It's here I let my spirit fly
At night I sing my lullaby

Stifling

Can you feel it
The loss of breath
The feeling you are being crushed
Beneath others expectations

How did this happen
When did you decide
What they needed was more important
Than your hearts desire

These burdens are not yours
You did not ask
For their direction
You cannot live up to their expectations
So don't try

Let them go
Breathe deep and exhale
Let them go
With the breath you no longer need
Breathe your own life

Monumental

Do you not wish to devour the lovely
lusty love we are feeling
can you deny your heart
How can you say that you are
not standing there with senses reeling
this shall be our start

Vision blurred I close my eyes now
heightened senses leave me screaming
each extends beyond its breaking
this is not some hopeless dreaming
that cannot stand on its own
This is love left for the taking

I cannot deny my soul
with platitudes that hold no value
I am now your love to hold
can I trust you to be gentle
shield my love from careless whimsy
Our love shall be monumental

Media Madness

Bitterness seems to be the food
that the masses now consume
certain of their futures gloom
eating hearty of the feast
bitterness is no release

Each sad story, fear entrenches
hide your heart and blind your eyes
why do we put up these fences
take away our power to try
without ever asking why

Stand and shout against the madness
let the bitterness release
don't let fear and hatred guide you
understand hate is the beast
Sharing hatred now must cease
Only love will bring us peace

Come with Me

Do not take my dreams from me
for sweet dreams are all that's left me
don't you see the joy that comes
from summer dreams tossed carelessly
upon the sands of my sweet life

You have no hold over me
my dreams are afire within me
I cannot be broken now
love has come into my life
and evermore shall I be joyful

Try no more to tell me nay
don't you see that I am gladdened
by each love that comes my way
nothing now can break my spirit
Life and love are now my treasures

Come, and share my journey now
Don't you see, you can be joyful
Share my vision, share my dreams
life is here now for the taking
Gladness be our joyful waking

Love and joy ours for the taking

Meanderings

Having a heart to heart with myself
Debating where inspired poetry begins
In the depths of despair
or enlightened discovery
I pondered the question
I argued within
Where to begin

Such lovely and lonely heartfelt
meanderings
of poetic tragedy have left me
near weeping
Very near to believing
the poems most effective
at sharing emotions
grew from great suffering
unrelenting sorrow

But what of the poems
their message uplifting
In pretty surroundings of
laughter and home
These writings hold meaning
to those who can listen
Creating a joy felt
down to your toes

I shuttered my eyes
and slowed down my breathing
So I could just think
each aspect in turn
I hoped I could quiet
my own inner turmoil
and gather my resources
around me like home

Then something amazing
came tapping my senses
A soothing and calming
sweet drumming outside
The raindrops were pounding
and dripping and playing
an age old sweet number
that reached deep inside
Where I found my answer

It matters not at all
what you say or you do
the answer was now crystal clear
Poetry speaks to each in its own way
The message will only come through
If the poem is speaking to you

Failure

Without bitterness or blame
I must admit
I am broken
Shattered within
Where no one can see
But me

I did it again
I am so hopeless
I never learn
Mistakes repeated
Are quiet tragedies
Indeed

Enigma

So much more
than the sum of her parts

She stands on her toes
with a determination and control
that is fierce
arms raised in uncanny grace

In balance with
a freedom of spirit
The envy of most
without bitterness witnessed

Where did she come from
How can she possess
such steely wisdom
tempered by gentle heart

She is mighty
Belonging to herself
Unconscious of her
importance
Captivating without
pretentiousness

Glorious being
This I see
This is she

For Nan

I know you don't know
how incredible you are
I can tell you don't understand
How very valuable you are

The things that you do
stand alone to be sure
But even without them
You are incredible

It's in the way that you love
The gifts that you share
We all like ourselves
a bit more when you're there

It's the way that you question
the things that you do
The concern that is present
when helping us through

We love you, you're precious
to all those you touch
the indelible you
that we all love so much

Sorrow

I want to open a bottle of
forgetfulness
climb inside and hide away
from all the pain that's eating me
can't face another day

I want to find a place of
quiet refuge
and rock away my emptiness
I've never felt this way before
I wish I could feel less

I feel so tired, I'll fight no more
I'm broken, through and through
I need some time to hide away
I don't know what to do

I don't know what I'll do

Savor

Closing my eyes
To better savor each note
The lilting melody
Speaks to me
Emotions swell
Within my being
My breathing changes

Good music brings a smile
Great music steals my breath
With naked longing
Ah, Chopin
Nocturne in C Sharp Minor
I am breathless

For K E

Sunshine bright
Her smile warms the very air
So that you breathe deeply
her radiance

Summer sweet
She sees the hidden beauty
in the straggly tangled fur
of the stray

Fiercely true
to her convictions
She shares her inner light
without a care

Summer Reverie

Oh, the tender moments that I chanced
to spend with you
The sweetness of long quiet afternoons
These are the treasures that I've
carried with me through my years
A heart near full to bursting with
these memories of you

I recall how we would wile away those
sultry summer days
filling them with loving, just we two
Such gifts of love, they say, are oft times
wasted on the young
Yet you and I, we understood the truth
and treasured all the
wealth of summer days

I have no trouble drifting back within
my memory
to summer days spent lazily with you
In reverie I slip the bonds
of melancholy here
Like yesterday the memories appear
the lovely sultry days of yesteryear

Forever Homeward Bound

I'll be coming home
when all the things I need to see
and all the trials left to me
Have found themselves depleted
I'll be coming home

This world is such a magic place
my life has many twists and turns
an urgent yearning within me burns
to experience each new face
to explore each new place

But in the end I'm homeward
bound
For though adventures have their lure
And teach me what I can endure
My home is where I'll end my days
Forever homeward bound

Shoulder

Would you tell me, love, if you needed me
If I could somehow lessen all your fears
would you share with me the burdens
that are weighing down your days
I keep fighting hard to just control my tears

These tears that seem so close they almost choke me
The tears that come from worrying for you
My fears that you wont tell me
that your losing ground you've gained
Afraid you won't share what you're going through

I want to be the shoulder you can lean on
to help you as you try to find your way
I hope you know that there is
nothing I won't do
To help you see the light of a new day

Sustenance

I need to read great poetry
to keep the loathsome cares at bay
I find it soothes my soul somehow
and heals my mind along the way

There have been times I was adrift
when time or task kept me away
Yet far too soon dark feelings haunt
shutting out the light of day

Confusion then takes hold of me
direction lost, I go astray
The separation such great cost
no guiding light to show the way

And then, as if by random chance
I'm drawn to page of metered word
The sun begins to shine again
and joyful laughter can be heard

I need to read great poetry
to keep the loathsome cares at bay
It calls to me at darkest hour
And helps me face another day

Eye of the beholder

For this, this is beauty
the image that brings tears
stinging and coursing
down smiling cheeks

the type of beauty
that transcends words
or standard expectations
with quiet symmetry

inexplicable
yet easily discernible
it speaks to the heart
fills it to near bursting

to each his own
for me, it is the
random act of kindness
humanity speaking

Full Tilt

I do not need a day to think about
my mangled heart
I cannot take the time to go over
it again
If I'm to get through this sad mess
my life has now become
I must look beyond the pain
and take the courage as it comes

For I gave it all to you
I won't be bitter about that
No regrets I gave it all
Who would love with half a heart
Who would breathe with half a lung
I live my life full tilt
I won't apologize
I cannot do it any other way
I will not compromise

So forward I will go
and I'll heal along the way
For life shall bring me new loves
to fill my life
All in and full tilt
Come what may

Slippage

Can anyone find me
I was here just a minute ago
sitting alone, wondering why
this life seems so confusing

I know I was a mother, once
I remember holding a small child
and singing softly
as I stroked his hair

I used to go out with friends
a long time ago
before time began unraveling
unraveling

Can anyone hear me
I was talking, just a bit ago
or a lifetime ago
Where did I go

Resonate

I wanted something that would 

Capture my heart
Causing my breath to catch in my throat
And bring stinging tears to my eyes

I wanted something that would 

Startle laughter 

From my very center

Pulling it upward in billows of joy

I wanted something to pull at

My heartstrings

Leaving a melancholy mood
Both familiar and new

I wanted something that would 

Echo this longing
This tremendous enveloping yearning
To be heard, to be loved

I wanted words that would 

Resonate
To fill the empty spaces
In my heart and my soul
I wanted poetry

Hollow

I thought I was dreaming
I was sure I was sleeping
when I heard you so softly
your whisper a breath
surrounding my ear
enveloping my being
with whispers caressing
my soul into waking

As I began stirring
your arms pulled me closer
your touch softly soothing
my innermost questions
until I lay quiet
no longer resisting
my breathing now even
limbs no longer quaking

I must have been dreaming
I was sure I was sleeping
for I thought that I felt you
and heard your soft breathing
it was ever so soothing
this gentle caressing
with words soft and loving
my heart was not breaking

Please let me keep dreaming
don't let me be waking
to memories past viewing
of love beyond loving
of caring, sweet caring
For life with you absent
brings tears upon waking
a heart that is breaking
soul broken and aching

Dissolution

I was talking
did you hear me
were you listening

time was racing
I was losing
were you listening

I was screaming
did you hear me
were you listening
where were you

I was screaming
did you hear me
I'm an echo
echo of you

Here I Am

Here I am
No longer hiding
Standing tall
Feeling strong

Here I am
Moments gathering
Precious cargo
Memories strong

Here am I
Shouting loudly
I am here
I am strong

Here I am
Living proudly
I am here
I belong

Shivers

I sat
so quietly
observing those around me

They shared
such tender times
collecting joy like payment

The time
The thoughts
of distant acreage floundering

The wealth
spent silently
observing those around me

Outsider
looking inward
shivers rack my body

shivers rack my body

shivers rack my soul

Uncounted Wealth

Oh, the moments I have spent
the laughter I have witnessed
the joy of momentous ramblings
the pleasure of simple travelings
the craziness I've found
in spending time with you

The commitments I have made
to simple joys and wanderings
to random times well spent
in sharing memories fleetingly
What are these moments worth
what price be paid by slumbering

I cannot feel the rain
but that I feel the cleansing
I cannot feel the rain
but that I know the sunshine
I cannot mourn the loss
of things that have no meaning
I live a life overflowing
with limits unacknowledged
I own my heart and soul

Release your pent up longings
no longer hold your heart in
Dance alone the colors
ride the wave of love
Live life no longer wondering
which path you should have taken
Your road is there to travel
let life's journey now begin

Hidden Truths

Secrets are truths too frightening to share
Held close and hidden from view
and though they have no more
substance than air
The weight of their burden will bury
your dreams
and become much too heavy to bear

And what of the secrets too private
to speak
for fear of what others may say
What happens inside us when life
brings such change
Our worries and fears we must rearrange
We find ourselves saddened
by all the time wasted
Yet hopeful for each coming day

This isn't the life she signed up for
Never hoped that she'd someday
be free
But now the truth has been spoken
Though this outcome was never the goal
She finds herself feeling less broken
A lightness begins in her soul

Just Once

I want to be foolish
Let the wind take me where it will
Without thought or worry
Of consequence
Once
Just once
Before I have to go

I want to stare life down
Take the bit in my teeth and run with it
Without need of
destination
Just that
Just once
Before my time is done

I want to be courageous
To let life take me where it may
Without fear or worry
Of losing myself
Once
Just once
Breathe deeply, let go regret

Miles Apart

There was a time, a lovely time
In all the years gone by
When we could sit and talk for hours
And while away the afternoons
We'd smile away the afternoons
The dreamy lovely afternoons
In all the years gone by

Then came a time, a lonely time
When you were gone away
We felt the years pull us apart
And distance now was more than miles
A sorry state to find ourselves
How did we lose our way

Can we get back to where we were
In all the years gone by
The happier times when we could share
Our random thoughts with subtle flair
Or are there only memories there
And shall we say goodbye

Go

I have found a different muse
who'll do the things you would not do
and though I'm grieved it isn't you
it was you who did refuse

Don't look at me with tragic eyes
it wasn't I who caused the rift
withholding of your lovely gift
Instead you gave me lies

Now is the time for you to go
I care not for your sad lament
I grieve for all the time I spent
on a love that did not grow

Now you're gone and I am free
I'll find the joy you would not share
Another love will take me there
Oh, broken hearted me

I shall bring you love

I shall bring love to you
and with it sunshine to warm your days
I shall bring to you all the
tenderness you crave
I will stand by you through every storm
I shall bring you love

You will stand strong
no worries or fears can break you now
for you know
I will always be right here
You will know the strength
being loved brings

For we are meant to be
to spend our lives together
I knew it from the first
I know you feel the same
Together we are invincible
Because you bring me love
And I give it back to you

He walks with Grace

He always lands on rocky shores
Yet never does he stumble there
Nor moan nor weep at his cruel fate
But struggles on with head held high
More concerned with what he has
than what is so unfair

And so in life, it seems to me
There are those whose daily lives
Are filled with more than average woes
Who never seem to touch the prize
Yet without fail they carry on
Shoulders squared and head held high

I cannot help but to admire
The quiet strength and comely grace
He brings to each and every trial
The way he takes it all in stride
No obstacles will slow him down
His strength of will upon his face
His life is lead with quiet grace

Heart of a Child

Have you ever had your heartstrings
tugged so hard
you lost your breath
and tears sprang to your eyes
Isn't it grand

Tonight as I lay quietly
and tried to soothe two
children to sleep
The youngest being not quite 3
a darling girl of spunk and fire
her brother lying close beside
a whispered lilting lullaby
meant to sooth and quiet them
I love you Vivien Grace
I love you Brycen Cole
Stroke a forehead calm a hand
I love you Vivien Grace
I love you Brycen Cole

As they slowly quiet down
and sleep seems to be taking them
I hear the words
that stroked my heartstrings
wrapped up my heart and strummed
my soul
a spunky girl of almost three
whispers her own goodnight
To her brother of four
I love you too, Brycen Cole

Late Night Secrets

Late night careful whispers shared
Sweet excitement in his eyes
Special memories waiting there
this little boy with sweetest smile
my stolen heart becomes his prize

Who could know the times we'd share
the secrets that were whispered then
the magic I would witness there
when nose to nose our
eyes would meet
He'd place his little hand in mine
and slowly drift off into sleep
Heart now full, life complete

Self Awareness

I understand
I get what has been going on
with me for so long

I have been holding back
I need to hug someone
for a long time

and I know who that
someone is
are you up for it

Great

To Life

Through all that life has brought to me
the difficult and cruel
the endless tears for untold wounds
of countless lies and fickle youth
the things that I cannot change
these tragedies remain

yet, what I find most fascinates
what occupies my waking
thoughts
is not that life has dealt me wrong
or that I suffer more than most
it's that with all the counted tears
Life still brings such great  joy
and I am sane and strong

I find that I am easily
mystified by life and love
each loss of immeasurable pain
is balanced by delightful gain
so that I know by holding fast
the light I seek shall show itself
and treasures unbeknownst before
reveal themselves at last

And so I weep and moan and cry
when life so fragile takes its toll
and takes away some treasure mine
no measure of fairness found
Yet, still and all it passes on
And I rejoice at loves sheer pleasure
and know, with each sad, broken treasure
I drank deeply the sweet wine

DANCE

I heard a quote the other day
it went something like this
If perchance you should stumble
on unfamiliar terrain
do not bother to right yourself
rather, take a quick step or two
and dance away the pain

For life is full of missteps
of potholes, uneven roads
and sure as life is a journey
the road is uneven at best
so make every stumble a
pirouette
And life will be yours to finesse

When My Sister Cried

When my sister cried
It seemed the heavens wept
The pain encased in her silent tears
Was so much larger than her
Slender frame could bear
Yet, silently the tears crept down  
Her cheeks
Dripping from her chin in silent rooms
She'd strum her sad guitar with quiet grace
Such anguish pulsing from her ravaged face

She cried as if she didn't have the right
As if she weren't deserving of our care
Alone she'd hide her feelings from our sight
Her tender broken dreams upon the floor
And as her tears sprang hot from deep within
She'd strum her sad guitar and turn away
Pretending tears weren't sliding from closed eyes
Never to acknowledge we were there
Feeling undeserving of our care

Never have I witnessed anyone
Whose pain was so intense and sorrowful
As when I'd watch my sister play guitar
Tucked away from any prying eyes
Pretending that the pain she so denied
Wasn't running down like rivers from her eyes
So quietly she cried and played guitar
No mask to hide the tragedy inside
And still I feel the burning deep inside
The agony of when my sister cried

Edgar

Brilliant, brilliant broken man
Painting vivid images
With tantalizing word and phrase
Dazzling our hearts and minds
With lines that flow and ebb
With such fluidity

Brilliant, brilliant broken man
Take us to the heights of terror
Telltale heartbeats 'neath a floor
Take us to the depths of sorrow
With simple phrase of "Nevermore"
Languid lines, fraught with feeling
Leave us ever wanting more

Brilliant, brilliant broken man
Brought us tales of love undaunted
Perfect loves end tragically
Leaving us with memories haunted
By fair maiden, Annabel Lee
Perfect, tragic love undaunted
Lying by the sounding sea

Exiting this earthly hell

You, who left us all too soon
What tales had you yet to tell

Were there more glad tales of yore

Or Raven from Plutonian shore
To hold me raptly in your spell
So shall I ponder, ever more

Brilliant, brilliant broken man

Distant Echoes

All around the quiet evening
Fleeting glimpses, memories stir
Lovely memories soft as rain
Bring her to this place again
Sweetest memories lure her there
Distant echoes of despair

As she wanders going nowhere
Longing pulses through her veins
For a lover long since taken
Gentle breezes now awaken
Tattered remnants long since hidden
To her heart now come unbidden

Walking slowly through the twilight
Humming softly some sad tune

Missing, still, loves sweet embrace
Gentle lips once hers to taste
Knowing that this longing aching
Remnants of a heart still breaking

Horrible

I know I shouldn't ever wish
for unkind things or elegant
disasters
to fall upon another
yet, there are times
yes, there are times

It's not as if I ever would
actually want these petty
spiteful things to occur
yet, there are times
yes, there are times
I am truly horrible
in my head

Anticipation

I keep trying to describe
This need
This longing
This incredible anticipation
Trapped within me

It wants to be both
A song
And a wish
A dance and a dream
That isn't quite it

What words can describe
With proper
Intensity
The anticipation of achieving
A hearts desire
No words

Yet
I am bursting
With the sheer joy of it