Craving

 For all the things I cannot do

The things I cannot say

The nights I lie here wanting you

Yet crave the break of day

There is no time my heart is still

No time my thoughts are calm

The craving that fills all my dreams

Is lying in your arms

How can the night spin endlessly

Where is the break of dawn

You are my souls only release

My only heartfelt song

I end my day with thoughts of you

On waking, you are first

You are my unleashed hunger

You are my unquenched thirst

je billheimer

Unspoken

Can you be my love

Are you the one I dreamt of

All those years ago

Is it finally you

Or are you just a wish

I made up to get through

When I was so young

And life was still a journey

Not yet travelled

I felt there would be

One someone 

Who would keep me

from becoming unraveled

Now after long years

Spent traveling alone

Or with a love

With eyes unseeing

You have appeared

And I am undone

With hopes of love 

Beyond believing

Please tell me, love

You are the one I dreamt of

When dreams were my hopes

Unspoken

Please be the one

For in your arms

My love has awoken

je billheimer

Flowers and Lies

He brings yellow roses

And sweet words of love

And little lies for me to swallow

He shreds my hopes

With promises broken

Puddles of tears in which I wallow

I pick up the remnants

Of dreams in tatters

And tell myself, tomorrow

He will bring roses

Without the lies

No more tears for me to swallow

j e billheimer

For S

There is sunshine in her smile

With caution 'round the edges

As if she isn't sure she is safe

And trust is a fragile commodity

She finds her value through love

The loving of her family

The sweet care for her children

They make her whole

Fiercely devoted

Strongly Opinionated

Absolutely involved

She is ferociously beautiful

I stand in awe

j e billheimer

Chika

She has resources she never
knew of
Inner strength belonging to someone
much larger

She holds herself to such high
standards
Yet does not expect them
of those around her

A generosity of spirit
a joyfulness that won't
be quelled
She makes me proud to be
counted as a friend

I watch her
knowing of her struggles
She squares her shoulders,
wipes her tears, and keeps on

Beautiful woman, tragic child
loving widow
Standing proud

j e billheimer

Sweet Obsession

Oh, my love
My sweet obsession
How I yearn for your light touch
Oh, my soul
My sweet possession
Never dared to love this much

First you came
You smiled so sweetly
My poor heart was all undone
How could I
Stand by so meekly
Knew from the start you were the one

When I was
Alone and lonely
Hopelessness within me churned
Now it's you
I long for only
You arrived and hope returned

Years have passed
We're still together
Life and love now intertwined
If I thought you'd leave me ever
I fear I would lose my mind

j e billheimer

No Tears

There were no tears
When he died
Not from me
Not for him
I cried

They thought I cried
Bitter tears
That's not true
Not then
Not for years

There was nothing
When he died
Not for me
But for them
I cried

j e billheimer

Glory Days

Days of longing, quiet laughter

Smiling through a summer haze
Hold you to me, gentle pleasure

These will be our glory days

Sharing languid nights together

Like fine wine is loves sweet praise
Lying in your embrace after
Such will be our glory days

j e billheimer

Such Gifts

Such gifts are ours to treasure
The joy of simple things
The many friends along the way
The comfort loving brings

The drumbeat of a summer storm
The air after the rain
The purest blue of clearing skies
The sunlight back again

Evenings spent in reverie
The clarity it brings
Take the time to look around
And love the simple things

j e billheimer

Unraveling

What do you want from me
Do you feel our connection
Tenuous as a thread
Stretched beyond limit
Tensions mounting

Do you feel our chances
Slipping away
Leaving us grasping
For things to say
On safer ground

What do you want from me
Is what we have enough for you
Our polite hello's
Whispered
While balancing on eggshells
As the hurdles become
Insurmountable
Impossible

This isn't what I pictured
The bond we shared was unbreakable
Or so I thought
Now everything is unravelling
Under the weight of things
Left unsaid
Trust lost
Hearts broken
Connection unravelling

j e billheimer

Possibilities

I dwell in possibilities
No limits I'll put on my days
I'll chance the inconsistencies
I'll dance with probabilities
And dawn will find me lifted up
For darkness never stays

For when my life has run its course
And life will have its way
I'll gather up life's treasured hours
I'll know that fear has lost its powers
For never did I spare a glance
At those who never took a chance
On all the possibilities

j e billheimer

You and I

You
Who held me as a child
Who loved me for myself
Who gave without regret
Are irreplaceable

I
Who always needed help
Who wanted to be free
Who acted self-assured
Am inconsolable

You
Who taught me how to laugh
Who sang the lullabies
Who kissed away my tears
Are unforgettable

I
Will love you all my life
Will cherish all our days
Will carry on this life
And miss you all my years

j e billheimer

Random Acts of Living

I want my life to be brave and kind
Want to have my say
Want to speak my mind

I want my life to be full of dance
Want to spread my wings
Want to take the chance

I want my life to be full of song
Want to take a breath
Want to sing along

j e billheimer

Ode to a Whirlwind

May I define you by what you add 

To my life

The joy I feel knowing you see me
As I wrap your love around 

My shoulders
Like a warm blanket, a shield

Do you know how your love

Empowers me
The courage I find at hand because of you
I know you don't have any idea

How powerful you are
What is accomplished 

Because of your strength

You empower me with a full understanding
And graciousness that astounds
You are a whirlwind

I, the leaf

j e billheimer

Random Moments

Watching you 

As you lie sleeping
Kissing you awake, you smile
Hold me close 

Whisper secrets
Taking time to love awhile

Candy sweet 

These gentle wakings
Time to share a thought or two
Tell me

Did you sleep all right, love
Random moments spent with you

This is what 

I always hoped for
Stolen moments, just we two
Touching, smiling 

Treasured moments
Random acts of loving you

j e billheimer

Losing Battle

I can only say
in truth
that I can't fight you anymore
Fight you, or fight for you
The end is the same

You seemingly
have no interest
In meeting me halfway
And now I feel the bitterness
of losing what I'd gained

Realizing
only now
I cannot win this fight
I haven't got the strength
To help you do what's right

j e billheimer

Falling

I'm breaking I'm falling
Limbs quaking
I'm shaking
Not knowing
What's coming
I'm breaking
I'm falling

I'm trembling I'm rambling
I'm scrambling
I'm calling
Your name
Hear me calling
Please catch me
I'm falling

I'm dreaming I'm praying
I'm hoping
You're saying
You'll love me
Unchanging
Keep hoping
I'm praying

This life ever changing
Not knowing
I'm saying
With you
I'm falling
In love with you
Always
Please catch me
I'm falling

j e billheimer

Unfinished business

Conversations in my head
The things that must remain unsaid
The endless tortures in my mind
The peace that I have yet to find

Attempting to have some resolve
Angry words endlessly revolve

These things I cannot say aloud
As tearful thoughts within me crowd

So round and round within my mind
To keep from thinking thoughts unkind
I picture finding some release
In hopes someday, I'll find some peace

j e billheimer

Summer's Chorus

Speak to me, oh summer rain
Fill my mind with measured patter
Help me find my peace again
Concentrate on things that matter
Quiet thoughts 'mid splendid splatter

Speak to me, oh summer chorus
Crickets, frogs and leaves in motion
With your song you help restore us
Bringing peace from mixed emotion
Drugging me with summers potion

Breathing in the thick, rich flavors
Of a summer night alone
Deep and subtle, mine to savor
In my mind, it takes me home
Summer nights, here I belong

j e billheimer

Friendship

I'd like to raise my glass today
To all the friends I've led astray
To dancing 'til the break of day
I raise my glass to you

I humbly beg a chance to say
That through it all, yes every day
I knew my friends were here to stay
The brave, the proud, the few

And through the years I've had the chance
To add a few, and thus enhance
This crazy life, which, at a glance
Seems rudderless, it's true

But, I can tell you, friends of mine
That through it all, and through all time
I know my life's been made sublime
By every one of you

j e billheimer