A Loss Too Great

My mind knows it must set you free
But what then of my heart
My heart knows this just cannot be
It has right from the start

For tell me, if you know a way
To stop this dulling pain
To learn to live without my heart
To help me breathe again

They tell me I must say goodbye
The time has come to part
But tell me how I am to live
For I've a broken heart

j e billheimer

Last Goodbye

I did not know 'til now
Although I thought I might
How hurried loves last flight
How quietly it came
How measured were the breaths
When last you said my name

The anguish of goodbye

Hands clasped in deep despair
Can't hold you to these shores
Each measured breath I take
Is measured against yours

For though I try to grasp
The time has now arrived
My heart now beats alone
Heartbreaking last goodbye

j e billheimer

Last September

Memories upon a page
Of what I can remember
Shades of light upon your face
Smiles of last September

Bits of conversations shared
Funny things you told me
Wanting just to hear your voice
Have your arms to hold me

Sweet, the heartache memories bring
Aching, full of longing
Linger through the night unslept
Day around me dawning

Photographs of your bright face
Help me to remember
How I yearn to turn back time
And relive last September

j e billheimer

In your own skin

To know you live a life that's not quite real
To know you have to hide the way you feel
To squander years spent trying to fit in
No answer to this struggle from within

To wonder if this battle can be won
To question this whole process you've begun
Still searching for the life you're dreaming of
Still trying to shield the people that you love

To question, can you do this on your own
To wonder, will you now live life alone
To worry over choices you have made
So steep, the final prices that are paid

Grappling with the questions and the pain
Hoping life will bring you love again
Knowing this is what you're meant to do
Embracing life where you are really you

j e billheimer

Music

How I love to hear the music
Doesn't matter what the song
When the music begins playing
Tap my foot and sing along

Doesn't matter, type of music
Whether banjo or trombone
When the  music starts a playing
 My soul soars, I'm not alone

Some folks never hear the music
Some folks only sing one song
I rejoice that I can hear it
And I love to sing along

Can't imagine life without it
All the many melodies
Love them all, they fill my being
Living life in all its keys

j e billheimer

Sorrows Shared

Please, make no mistake about my tears
Tears are not a sign that I am weak
Although I know that is how it appears
When tears are making tracks upon my cheek

Emotions sometimes get the upper hand
When I am witness to my loved ones pain
That's when my tears and strength go hand in hand
And in the end the strength is what remains

In times of greatest sorrow and despair
Mourning times and loved ones we have lost
The memories and tears we need to share
Remind us how the love is worth the cost

I would not trade the times of sorrows shared
For life without the tears those sorrows bring
I cannot wish I hadn't cried or shared
This life of love so worth remembering

j e billheimer

Self Indulgent Doesn't Work for Me

I need a really good cry
something seriously indulgent
I'm feeling completely overwhelmed
like life is harder than it should be
and I am wallowing in self pity

I need a kick in the ass
something to move me from my apathy
I'm feeling terribly self indulgent
like life is harder than it should be
and I am the only one struggling

I need a dose of reality
something to make me feel alive again
I'm feeling life isn't really my best friend
like I work harder than the next guy
and I deserve a bigger break than some

I need a closer look at who I am
something to show me I am my best friend
I'm feeling life is mine to own again
like opportunity's around the bend
and I can grasp it and be free again

j e billheimer