These Tears

These tears are almost more
than I can bear
They sting and burn and choke me
from within
I scarcely can remember how
to breathe
I feel a stranger lost in
my own skin

The tears they burn like acid
on my cheek
Despair so overwhelming
I am blind
How can I put one foot before
the other
When blinded by the pain in my
own mind

I want to curl myself around
this pain
Whether hoping to alleviate
or spare
I breathe around this lump
my hearts become
Shards of shattered hopes
pierce everywhere

j e billheimer

Don't leave me

How ever will I manage without you
The implications threaten all my dreams
I can't imagine life without your
possibilities
My future is unraveling at the seams

You cannot know the measure of your life
Without an indicator to compare
You were my indicator, my compass
my own truth
Without you I am left with my despair

Don't leave me please
Don't go
I can't explain
The sense of helplessness your leaving brings
All conscious thoughts are melting into
puddles at my feet
I'm lost without the compass your truth brings

Please hold me to a truth
that's yours alone
I willingly surrender, no regrets
I shan't complain, I promise
I happily concede
Just love me, as I've loved you
since we met

j e billheimer

Third Child

You are unlike any other
Born as old as Timbuktu
Razor sharp, this little brother
There is no one quite like you

Brazen, fearless, bold and daring
Stubborn when you want your way
Quick to offer hugs and kisses
Sunshine smile that lights my day

You, dear boy, are an enigma
Still don't feel I have your measure
I know we're in for more surprises
Pirate smile hides buried treasure

j e billheimer

My Sweet Sisters Child

My, how you shine
Like sunlight on water
You sparkle, you glow
Amazing and kind
My sweet sisters' daughter
Decided I want you to know
How much I've loved watching you grow

You dazzle the senses
Whenever you smile
Your laughter is joyful
and wicked and wild
You're strong and you're gentle
Your heart makes me smile
I love you immensely
My sweet sisters' child

j e billheimer

No recourse

I can admit I didn't know
I had no way to measure sorrow
Then in a moment all was changed
and now for me there's no tomorrow

Perhaps for others there is hope
and reasons to get up each day
Sadly, I can find no answers
Just emptiness that does not fade

I'm contemplating ways to end
This dreadful journey life's become
I know it's cowardly and wrong
I just don't care to carry on
This life, this journey I am on

j e billheimer

No more kisses

No more kisses can I give you
No more hugs before goodbye
No more laughter shared between us
Only tears for me to cry
Endless tears for me to cry

j e billheimer

Frenzy

When I'm in a rush and frenzy
Fearing I will lose my mind
Frantic thoughts feel quite like
madness
Search for things I cannot find

You are there to slow my frenzy
You the calm amid my storm
Soothing smiles and gentle
kisses
Sheltered there within your arms

Nearing midnight, you lie sleeping
I'm awake, again, it seems
Smiling to myself in darkness
Knowing you are all my dreams

j e billheimer