No recourse

I can admit I didn't know
I had no way to measure sorrow
Then in a moment all was changed
and now for me there's no tomorrow

Perhaps for others there is hope
and reasons to get up each day
Sadly, I can find no answers
Just emptiness that does not fade

I'm contemplating ways to end
This dreadful journey life's become
I know it's cowardly and wrong
I just don't care to carry on
This life, this journey I am on

j e billheimer

No more kisses

No more kisses can I give you
No more hugs before goodbye
No more laughter shared between us
Only tears for me to cry
Endless tears for me to cry

j e billheimer

Frenzy

When I'm in a rush and frenzy
Fearing I will lose my mind
Frantic thoughts feel quite like
madness
Search for things I cannot find

You are there to slow my frenzy
You the calm amid my storm
Soothing smiles and gentle
kisses
Sheltered there within your arms

Nearing midnight, you lie sleeping
I'm awake, again, it seems
Smiling to myself in darkness
Knowing you are all my dreams

j e billheimer

A Loss Too Great

My mind knows it must set you free
But what then of my heart
My heart knows this just cannot be
It has right from the start

For tell me, if you know a way
To stop this dulling pain
To learn to live without my heart
To help me breathe again

They tell me I must say goodbye
The time has come to part
But tell me how I am to live
For I've a broken heart

j e billheimer

Last Goodbye

I did not know 'til now
Although I thought I might
How hurried loves last flight
How quietly it came
How measured were the breaths
When last you said my name

The anguish of goodbye

Hands clasped in deep despair
Can't hold you to these shores
Each measured breath I take
Is measured against yours

For though I try to grasp
The time has now arrived
My heart now beats alone
Heartbreaking last goodbye

j e billheimer

Last September

Memories upon a page
Of what I can remember
Shades of light upon your face
Smiles of last September

Bits of conversations shared
Funny things you told me
Wanting just to hear your voice
Have your arms to hold me

Sweet, the heartache memories bring
Aching, full of longing
Linger through the night unslept
Day around me dawning

Photographs of your bright face
Help me to remember
How I yearn to turn back time
And relive last September

j e billheimer

In your own skin

To know you live a life that's not quite real
To know you have to hide the way you feel
To squander years spent trying to fit in
No answer to this struggle from within

To wonder if this battle can be won
To question this whole process you've begun
Still searching for the life you're dreaming of
Still trying to shield the people that you love

To question, can you do this on your own
To wonder, will you now live life alone
To worry over choices you have made
So steep, the final prices that are paid

Grappling with the questions and the pain
Hoping life will bring you love again
Knowing this is what you're meant to do
Embracing life where you are really you

j e billheimer