Talking to Walls

You don't hear me
Even as you say you love me
You won't hear me
How can we move on from here

You don't hear me
Why are you afraid to listen
You won't hear me
How can you pretend to care

You don't hear me
I am desperate for a reaction
You won't hear me
Am I left with this despair

You don't hear me
Is there no way to get through
You won't hear me
How can I get through to you

You don't hear me
And believe me I have tried
You won't hear me
All my pleas have been denied

Pictures

How do these people get
These selfies so delightful
Whenever I strike a pose
It comes out rather frightful

My mother said to me one day
"you know I've always said"
"I'm just not photogenic"
"It isn't in my head"

"But now I wonder," mother said
"if somehow that's not flawed"
"perhaps I'm not as pretty"
"as I thought I was"

I have to say I love this
Her perfect point of view
Except, perhaps, how it applies
To me
So sad but perhaps, true

To....

You came into my life like home
So strong and kind and true
You cared for me and I felt loved
So happy I had you

Then we went our separate ways
Our lives and paths diverged
No longer sharing daily things
Our lives no longer merged

I never felt the loss of you
I knew we'd always care
Our bond remained unbroken
Forged by the times we shared

Though years and miles have come between
Long lifetimes spent apart
You've always been right here with me
I hold you in my heart

Life Well Spent

The years, the years are flashing by
The girl I was who yearned for love
The carefree days not treasured then
Are treasured now, so cherished now

Young wife and mother took her place
With carefree days put on a shelf
Replaced by long and sleepless nights
Days of wet kisses, laughter and tears

When did the young wife disappear
Replaced by working mom and boss
The days they fly, no time to think
Or plan or mourn her loss

And now I go by grandma
And wonder where time went
Though deep inside I'm still that girl
It's been a life well spent

This Girls Best Friend

It's said that dog is mans best friend
And I'll agree it's true
For many a marvelous times been had
By those who share that view

For some the best friend to be had
Has claws and humming purr
A cat for some is where it's at
A purring ball of fur

But not for me four legged friends
Which have been all the rage
For me a sassy ball of fluff
Best suited to a cage

He's just about four inches high
When measured end to end
But this bossy little marvel
Sure is this girls' best friend

I find it so amusing
Amazing is the word
To curl up on the sofa
And cuddle with a bird

I didn't know he'd trust me so
And lay upon his back
Stretch his head left then right
So I could scratch his neck

Yes I am here to tell you
Infatuated is the word
I am completely smitten by
A neurotic little bird

K

Heart of my heart
I feel you in tune with me
I am safe within the love we share
I know you breathe when I do
As if my pulse beat within you

Dream of my dreams
We two are meant to fit as one
This is the love that lifetime shared
Creates a bond that makes both strong
With you I am where I belong

Life is for Laughter

Life is for laughter
And sharing and growing
For teaching and learning
The things worth the knowing

It's taking the time
To reflect with a smile
On the wonderful friends
I've enjoyed all the while

My life is just brimming
With loved ones who share
The good times and bad times
The joy and despair

To all of my loved ones
And dear friends I speak of
I thank you for all of
Your laughter and love

Close of the Day

At the close of the day
I find I yearn for your company
To have you close
And talk quietly
To share the thoughts
That I thought today
And to listen to yours

Time drags on endlessly
When you're away
And speeds by mercilessly
When we're together
So that all too soon
The time is gone
And I must leave you
For awhile

So come to me quickly
And slow down time
Until it creeps
So that I
May spend eternity
With you

Work in Progress

I am a work in progress
Changing, learning to grow
To find out more answers
To questions not thought of
So many things I still don't know

For a time I stopped asking questions
Preferring to coast through the day
Pretending that knowing
Was more important than growing
I know now that wasn't the way

I find myself liking the questions
The comfort of "I just don't know"
What was scary before
Keeps me now wanting more
More answers to what I don't know

Madly in Love

As if my world were ending
Wishing I might die
As if I could stop loving you
Your love was just a lie

Is this really happening
There's nothing I can do
You tell me you are leaving me
Worst nightmare coming true

What started all this madness
Or was it all a lie
My life is now all sadness
You're telling me goodbye

I started a new book today
I say to empty air
I force a smile, don't look around
Pretend that you're still there

What started all this madness....

Dichotomy

I am pain
I am sorrow
I am choking on tears
I have been for years
And will be tomorrow

As I weep
I am healing
I am learning to let go
Of things too hard to know
And pain I'm still feeling

I am calm
I am giving
I am learning to treasure
Both sorrow and pleasure
All the aspects of living

I am joy
I am laughter
It's all a part of me
Now beginning to see
The life I am after

Opposites Attract

The longer I live
The less I am sure of
Life's meaning eludes me
And questions confuse me
How do you survive love

The more love I give
The loss is just more pain
As opposites attract
So joy attracts sorrow
Broken pieces remain

There never was great love
Not worth painful sorrow
The joys that the love brings
Are worth every heartache
That looms on the morrow

So life, I embrace thee
For love is ours to share
And joy is a potion
And pain will be fleeting
And worth how you got there

Mysterious smile

There are times I find I'm smiling
For no apparent cause
I'm grinning like a lunatic
As those around me pause

They glance first at each other
Then return their gaze to me
The question on their faces is
Do You see what I see

But I ignore their gazes
Their curious puzzled glance
I know  I'm smiling cuz in my head
I'm doing a silly dance

Laughter

The laughter of the children
Life's sweetest melody
The joy of sweet abandonment
Can fill my soul with glee

I find I stare in wonder
A smile upon my face
To see such precious innocence
Is a form of grace

For bringing instant pleasure
There's nothing to compare
To the sound of children's laughter
Music in the air

Alone

You need to listen to your heart
Is what they always say
But my heart has just been silent
Since you went away

I try to feel it beating
Alone in our old place
But there isn't any feeling
Just an empty space

I'm sure that I'll get through this
I just don't know the how
Someday I'll find some happiness
But someday isn't now

Loves Fool

I want to wear my love for you
Like a silly hat
So everyone will smile at us
Like the Cheshire Cat

I want to sing my love for you
Walking through a crowd
And everyone will join right in
Singing rather loud

For your love has made me foolish
A giddy bumbling mess
What crazy thing will I do next
Is anybody's guess

That Old Song

They're playing that old song again
The one that made you smile
The one you always sang to
In your crazy style

You sang along, knew every word
You never missed a beat
You'd motion me to join right in
Swept me off my feet

We've been together ever since
Our life has been a song
All because you sang for me
And I sang along

The One

Not looking for a dashing prince
With nose up in the air
I want a man who's strong and kind
The kind of guy mom had in mind
Who wants a life to share

He doesn't really have a face
Won't recognize his voice
I'll know him by his gentle ways
His kindness that goes on for days
That's how I'll make my choice

And that is how my story goes
It's happily ever after
I found that man and made him mine
I'll love him til the end of time
How did I find this man of mine
I recognized his laughter

Care for me

Care for me
Make me important as air
To you
Don't keep me wondering if

 I'm good for you
Treasure me

For I care for you
I'd spend a lifetime

To make you mine
Tell you I love you
All the time
If you will care for me
I desperately need you 

To care for me

Pretty Ponies

Pretty pictures from a child
Painted ponies running wild
Faded memories, dreams undone
Pretty ponies on the run

Damage done, yet dreams remain
Pretty pictures cover pain
All the dreams not coming true
There is nothing left of you

Painted pictures from a child
Pretty ponies running wild
Close your eyes, run far away
Pretty ponies never stay

Gone

Eyelids scrape the surface
of sandpaper eyes
Hope or desperation
pushes me forward
Never expecting
Always hoping
Against all reason
I will see your face again
Even though
I know
You are gone

Second Son

He always surprises me
This young man
Such a serious child to become so insightful
He pulls laughter from my throat unexpectedly
Until tears stream from my eyes
And I stare in wonder

How could I know my quiet little boy
Would see the world so clearly
And teach me to laugh again

First Born

I didn't know the little boy
with the chocolate eyes
Would own my heart so completely

I always hoped the growing boy
with the chocolate eyes and sunlit smile
Would someday understand how
he inspires me

I never dreamt the fine young man
with the chocolate eyes
Would wrap me in his love
And help me believe in myself

PSH

Where do you put the sadness
When the loss is still so new
When each new revelation
Brings pain that blooms in you

I heard about your struggles
That demons dogged your days
And find it hard to reconcile
This knowledge of your ways

The joy you brought to others
Your twinkling eyes, your smile
Make your loss seem greater still
Leaves me longing for denial

How did I never see your pain
I never saw your need
I wish I could have saved you
Your lose is great indeed

Childhood Dreams

It's been a while dear friend of mine
Since we shared our childhood schemes
We've had ourselves a lifetime
Far different from our dreams

Do you recall, we used to sit
How we would talk in whispers
With heads bent, almost touching
We were as close as sisters

Everything then seemed possible
And might someday come true
At least that's how it felt to me
While whispering with you

I look back fondly on those times
From the life I'm living know
I find myself so grateful
They helped shape me somehow

That life is so very different
From our whispered schemes
Matters not one little bit to me
I cherish childhood dreams

Gentle Waking

I don't remember falling asleep
In your arms
But I must have
My dreams were so sweet
And I was smiling when I woke

I don't know if you kissed me goodbye
When you left
But you must have
For I could still taste you
On my lips, so sweet

I don't remember doing anything special
To earn your love
But I must have
For I have no doubt
Your heart is mine

I don't know if I have told you that
You are my world now
But you must know
Nothing this grand could go
Unnoticed

Fragile

It's quiet here
That's good
It's what I need
To heal

It's peaceful here
That's fine
Then I don't have
To feel

It's simple here
That's nice
There's not a lot
To do

It's lonesome here
I'm crying
Because there is
No you

Baffled

I'm baffled by this life I live
That has me in it's clutches
While thieves and hellions run wild
I limp around on crutches

The pain it keeps me up at night
The endless toss and turning
I try in vain to ease the pain
And get the rest I'm yearning

I'm hoping there's and end in sight
One not involved with cutting
I'm so afraid to be remade
Is my only path to strutting

Escape

Escape with me to a summer place
One with quiet spaces
A place from memories long past
Where we can walk and chat and laugh
Where we can be ourselves at last

Escape with me to another time
One with sweet embraces
Where gentle smile and longing stare
Left little doubt how our love flared
And we'll resume our love affair

Love Without Regret

I want my heart to let you go
Want my mind to follow
My future needs to be my own
When I wake tomorrow

Won't let go the memories
The loving we two shared
I must let go the crushing pain
Please let my heart be spared

I'll live my life contentedly
Hold fast the joy I knew
For I have had the greatest gift
The gift of loving you

If I should live a thousand years
I never could forget
The wondrous way you made me feel
A love without regret

Searching

There's nothing but quiet
And raindrops on rooftops
A time made for memories
Made bold by the silence
They pass by my minds eye
Parade without stop

It's here my mind journeys
The paths ever winding
Flit memory to memory
No sense or connection
Ever searching for something
I've no hope of finding

What is it I search for
This internal journey
Which questions unanswered
Are hidden within me
What is it I search for
And where will it lead me

There's nothing but quiet
And raindrops on rooftops
A time made for memories
And internal journeys
Of questions unanswered
Cascading like raindrops

Worry

The fear is tightening my chest
I feel I'm fighting tears
I am struggling to take a breath
Haven't been this afraid in years

I'm working hard to keep my calm
Don't want to have you worry
I feel this room is much too warm
I want the time to hurry

I know worry is a useless thing
I know that fear's not real
I know that you will be just fine
But that isn't how I feel

Soon we will be through this trial
We'll put this in the past
I'll hold your hand and see your smile
And I will breathe at last

Tightrope

Each day is a struggle
A balancing act
Between real and daydream
Reality intact

I fight my way through it
Eyes on the prize
Things crashing around me
Life's compromise

This tricky old tap dance
There's no room to fail
Dreams crashing around me
Still, I prevail

The trick is the balance
No wobbling allowed
Fake it if you have to
Smile for the crowd

For life is a tightrope
There's no easy way
Step out and be fearless
Make this your day

A Fractured Fairytale

We are a fractured fairytale
A most unlikely pair
I'm certain you have noticed
We don't conform to plan
No one has seen the likes of us
Nor do they understand

We are a fractured fairytale
Quite different from the rest
Our storyline makes little sense
With many twists and turns
At times it's gotten quite intense
Our love within us burns

And so our story moves along
No clue to how it ends
We are a fractured fairytale
And yet we muddle through
Side by side we cannot fail
Our fairytale came true

Winter Wrestling

Snuggling under covers
Layered on the bed
Shivering twisting turning
Trying to get warm
Struggling to hold on
To my fair share
Stifling a giggle
I come up for air

Cannot find a comfortable
Way to lie
So many blankets that it's
Hard to breathe
Tangled in this mess I am
Wriggling free
Hoping you are not getting
Mad at me

Finally get my cold feet on
Your warm back
I sigh with relief,
It feels heavenly
I hate winter nights shivering
In my sleep
Love that you keep warming
My cold feet

Meaning

When it comes to the end
Of this life I am living
Will it have been enough
All the taking and giving

I was reading a book
And it started me pondering
Will it have been enough
It still has me wondering

What's this enough that's in question
The deeds or the love shared
When it's all said and done
Will it matter that I cared

I hope to be able
To look back with a smile
On a life filled with loved ones
When I walk my last mile

So, I guess that my answer
For now, anyway
Is to love and to be loved
At the end of the day

Happily Ever After (Kiss A Toad)

Once upon a time I kissed a toad
I closed my eyes, to my surprise
Puckered up and kissed him

I knew of course he was no frog
I was convinced he was no prince
This kiss was not an accident

When I was done with that one kiss
Opened my eyes, to my surprise
There stood my future husband

And so it was my dreams came true
Fortunate kiss, now wedded bliss
It's toads forever after

Loves Remains

Prodding at the memory
An old wound, unhealed
Trying anything to hold on
Love slipping through my fingers
Damage revealed

There's no place to hide away
Curl around my pain
Concentrate on breathing
Tears slipping though my fingers
Loves Remains

Coping

When it's quiet at night
When I'm alone with my memories
I can almost hear you

I stay still, so still
Hoping it was not a dream this time
I can almost feel you

You'll be fine, they say
You have to learn to move on
It's time
You should just keep busy

Don't worry, I say
I'm learning to move on
I'm fine
Just need a bit more time

You'll be fine, they say
As soon as you can move on
It's time
You should just keep busy

Go away
Oh, please
Leave me with my memories
I'm fine
I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine

Breathless

Catch me unaware
Steal my breath
With sweet kiss
Or sudden laughter

Run away with me
Once again
As if it were
The first time

Tangle your fingers with mine
As we walk
And we shall make of life
a stroll

I Keep Falling

I remember the first time
I fell in love with you again
After months of confusion
Wondering if we weren't
Meant to be
You reached out to me
No hidden agenda
And I fell in love again

That was a gift
Learning love could return
Rekindle, re-bloom
In the blink of an eye
The feeling could rush back in
A tidal wave of emotion
So intense you gasp
In wonder

We two have fallen in love
Many times over the years
Always with each other
Always returning to the home
That is us

It's been a grand journey
Looking forward to
Falling in love with you

a

Again and again